We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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