If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize