it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I didn't shave. On purpose
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
