I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
