we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
