yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
