You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
