he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
