Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
