Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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