***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
