And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
