im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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