I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
