You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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