Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
