No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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