She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
