when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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