Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
