when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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