and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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