i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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