??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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