Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
