I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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