why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize