My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
