There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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