Can i not drive my cunt home
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
