Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
