i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
