Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
