allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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