you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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