I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
