We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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