I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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