Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
