we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
