You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
