Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
