i think i have two assholes
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
