WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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