im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
