I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We need a shit load of segways right now
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have already put on my inside pants.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
