I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
