so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
