plz talk dirty to me
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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