Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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