Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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