i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
