The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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