How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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