she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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