woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
