let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
