Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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