so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
