Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
