my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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