very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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