I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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