mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Randomize
