Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
