But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
