I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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