I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
