Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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