oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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