did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
