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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"

  (646): View more from New York

  how do you like your eggs?

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  over tits

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  How was the picnic?

  (516): View more from New York

  We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Why didn't you put them down?

  (516): View more from New York

  No beer left behind.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.

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• (315): View more from New York

  just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.

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