Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger

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(843): so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger http://tfl.nu/soaz

Replies (12) Good night (551) Bad night (1026)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression

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(215): I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression http://tfl.nu/rcf4

Replies (5) Good night (614) Bad night (3908)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.

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(412): I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra. http://tfl.nu/7xhn

Replies (52) Good night (9751) Bad night (1279)
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(407): View more from Florida

When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.

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(407): When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much. http://tfl.nu/q4wr

Replies (22) Good night (4696) Bad night (1343)
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(214): View more from Texas

he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies

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(214): he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies http://tfl.nu/w2ol

Replies (4) Good night (3151) Bad night (743)
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(+31): View more from The Netherlands

bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.

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(+31): bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left. http://tfl.nu/sy8j

Replies (18) Good night (1453) Bad night (6449)
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(386): View more from Florida

Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now

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(386): Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now http://tfl.nu/ahzl

Replies (1) Good night (1360) Bad night (1227)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms

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(781): Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms http://tfl.nu/wx24

Replies (10) Good night (1234) Bad night (728)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?

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(612): She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy? http://tfl.nu/le82

Replies (16) Good night (1062) Bad night (769)
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(845): View more from New York

The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.

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(845): The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing. http://tfl.nu/8zr7

Replies (3) Good night (1754) Bad night (383)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...

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(617): A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain... http://tfl.nu/gy86

Replies (4) Good night (1108) Bad night (417)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.

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(202): She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood. http://tfl.nu/9x0w

Replies (4) Good night (838) Bad night (521)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.

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(412): the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then. http://tfl.nu/3z0k

Replies (7) Good night (789) Bad night (345)
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(540): View more from Virginia

It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.

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(540): It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch. http://tfl.nu/7b1x

Replies (2) Good night (347) Bad night (518)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.

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(423): A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice. http://tfl.nu/al3p

Replies (0) Good night (845) Bad night (228)

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