Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again

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  (408): she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again http://tfl.nu/k557
  Replies (41) Good night (706) Bad night (5882)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.

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  (732): When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest. http://tfl.nu/kqsj
  Replies (29) Good night (711) Bad night (5273)
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  (951): View more from California

  better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???

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  (951): better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life??? http://tfl.nu/fjyx
  Replies (14) Good night (6167) Bad night (913)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9

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  (732): its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9 http://tfl.nu/78ka
  Replies (20) Good night (915) Bad night (3869)
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  (619): View more from California

  The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.

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  (619): The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear. http://tfl.nu/8fu9
  Replies (11) Good night (4906) Bad night (1887)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...

  (1-423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm eager to hear this explaination.

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  (423): Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog... (1-423): I'm eager to hear this explaination. http://tfl.nu/jgrb
  Replies (15) Good night (4880) Bad night (1472)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.

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  (435): i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down. http://tfl.nu/j1eb
  Replies (16) Good night (1297) Bad night (3407)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...

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  (614): story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended... http://tfl.nu/ewnx
  Replies (1) Good night (2185) Bad night (992)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I think I have vodka in my lungs

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  (206): I think I have vodka in my lungs http://tfl.nu/shpx
  Replies (4) Good night (2041) Bad night (1209)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.

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  (402): I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham. http://tfl.nu/kvkl
  Replies (3) Good night (1533) Bad night (744)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.

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  (701): second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life. http://tfl.nu/2fc0
  Replies (7) Good night (480) Bad night (1496)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session

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  (563): Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session http://tfl.nu/02xz
  Replies (2) Good night (659) Bad night (998)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.

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  (817): Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it. http://tfl.nu/7l3r
  Replies (4) Good night (658) Bad night (1469)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO

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  (716): Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO http://tfl.nu/9nqy
  Replies (2) Good night (561) Bad night (381)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub

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  (518): Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub http://tfl.nu/h3vj
  Replies (0) Good night (394) Bad night (332)

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