just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?