Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm going to jail i love you

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  (703): I'm going to jail i love you http://tfl.nu/f32n
  Replies (16) Good night (1136) Bad night (1610)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  You work out of a Hotel?

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  (818): You work out of a Hotel? http://tfl.nu/4k8s
  Replies (3) Good night (581) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.

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  (248): Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up. http://tfl.nu/qfvl
  Replies (16) Good night (908) Bad night (1764)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.

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  (631): New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled. http://tfl.nu/1807
  Replies (164) Good night (9207) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.

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  (480): Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room. (1-480): Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess? (480): You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about. http://tfl.nu/fd7a
  Replies (38) Good night (7478) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (819): View more from Quebec

  its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger

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  (819): its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger http://tfl.nu/0bs6
  Replies (10) Good night (3887) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.

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  (307): I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen. http://tfl.nu/qqp8
  Replies (8) Good night (3784) Bad night (1529)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...

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  (315): He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water... http://tfl.nu/f31b
  Replies (12) Good night (894) Bad night (2784)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.

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  (647): I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway. http://tfl.nu/bxvu
  Replies (8) Good night (2508) Bad night (717)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.

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  (941): My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order. http://tfl.nu/gp8x
  Replies (7) Good night (608) Bad night (1558)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.

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  (410): That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home. http://tfl.nu/bawg
  Replies (9) Good night (2615) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We won Spring Training 2013.

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  (609): We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them. (609): We won Spring Training 2013. http://tfl.nu/awkc
  Replies (3) Good night (756) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.

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  (612): It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab. http://tfl.nu/z2cq
  Replies (0) Good night (289) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?

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  (662): Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you? http://tfl.nu/ngi1
  Replies (1) Good night (576) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.

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  (518): you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets. http://tfl.nu/a1x2
  Replies (3) Good night (596) Bad night (460)

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