my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
