i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my being single is dangerous.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.