If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.