Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.