so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.