Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.

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  (202): Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain. http://tfl.nu/eu7i
  Replies (2) Good night (1093) Bad night (486)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.

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  (610): The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem. http://tfl.nu/6hmf
  Replies (34) Good night (1885) Bad night (709)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i wish i had your life

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  (904): btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets (1-904): i wish i had your life http://tfl.nu/5ctk
  Replies (33) Good night (3906) Bad night (621)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.

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  (713): my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute. http://tfl.nu/ldey
  Replies (12) Good night (2602) Bad night (639)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I want my thong back.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I hate you tequila.

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  (763): I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong... (612): I want my thong back. (763): I hate you tequila. http://tfl.nu/u481
  Replies (16) Good night (4966) Bad night (764)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders

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  (248): so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders http://tfl.nu/1b2g
  Replies (21) Good night (4364) Bad night (1058)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it

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  (937): Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it http://tfl.nu/4nim
  Replies (39) Good night (748) Bad night (2625)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits

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  (662): The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits http://tfl.nu/a8f8
  Replies (15) Good night (5112) Bad night (1248)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.

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  (919): he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'. http://tfl.nu/h82o
  Replies (13) Good night (3696) Bad night (1157)
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  She said she wanted to have closure sex.

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  (848): She said she wanted to have closure sex. http://tfl.nu/0dyj
  Replies (9) Good night (3752) Bad night (1058)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.

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  (217): You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice. http://tfl.nu/09lg
  Replies (4) Good night (3353) Bad night (1023)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.

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  (724): So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress. http://tfl.nu/pksn
  Replies (7) Good night (3987) Bad night (564)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.

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  (870): He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible. http://tfl.nu/mspa
  Replies (9) Good night (1288) Bad night (516)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.

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  (920): He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level. http://tfl.nu/rkz6
  Replies (1) Good night (426) Bad night (198)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...

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  (904): And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept... http://tfl.nu/rhyx
  Replies (4) Good night (426) Bad night (206)

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