Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.