I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
