Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
