I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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