I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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