Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
