Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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