I wannas sexs uuuuu
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
