She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
