When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
