Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
