we should wear snuggies to the strip club
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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