I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
